I seriously do. I hate myself. I hate that there is this ugly sinful nature inside of me and I hate those awful times when I give in to it. So much guilt, so much remorse, and so much disdain do I feel. It seems too much to bear. I literally loathe myself. In times of anxiety, fear, or pain, I usually run into the arms of God and allow Him to be my comforter. I find hope in His word and joy in His Presence. But at times like these, I feel that I just can’t. And that is what makes this weight so unbearable.
I know the truth. I know in my head that God’s mercy remains for those who truly repent. I know that He is near to those with a broken and contrite heart (and my heart is broken for sure). But it is so terribly hard in the midst of this guilt and brokenness to understand these truths in my heart. I know that right at this moment I need to be meditating on God’s word but there is a part of me that refrains to do so because I know exactly how Jesus is going to deal with me. He is going to do what He is always so faithful to do. He is going to ask me to come to Him. He is going to take me back. And til this day, I still don’t understand why. Well, I mean I know why… because He loves us. But still, why?
I feel guilty allowing Him to forgive me. I know that it is not fair and I know that I do not deserve it. How can it be right?
Feeling like a dirty, cheating spouse, I go to Him with my head held low. I think of what I can do to make things right, but He tells me, “nothing”. He takes me back and asks for nothing in return but a loyal heart. It CAN’T be right. But it is.
It is so right.
“Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different?”
Today’s Venture: Homemade Dinner Rolls
These were so unbelievably easy to make (aside from the time factor) and they tasted so AMAZING! I always feel like a 1950′s housewife whenever I’m kneading dough for homemade bread… hehe, I love it! These rolls were deemed worthy enough to enter my recipe box. I have a pretty little purple box that is the perfect size to hold the 3x5in. note cards that I write my recipes on. I plan on keeping this little recipe box forever so I only hand write and keep the recipes that I feel like I can be down wit 4 lyfe, ya know? And yes, this recipe is definitely one of them!
“Contentment is the child of faith; covetousness is born of fear.” -Alistair Begg
A single man or woman with a deep desire to be married will wait earnestly and expectantly for The One. Every possible prospect that passes by will leave them with a flutter in their hearts and a mind that will not cease to ponder the ever evoking question: could this be it?
But it is not so with a married man or woman. Why? Well, being that they are already married, there is no need for that question to linger in their hearts. They already possess all that they need in a partner. Their fears have been stilled and their doubts quieted because of the presence of a long awaited and searched for love in their lives. They have found The One.
If the Church is indeed the Bride of Christ as the Bible states then this indicates that a marriage has taken place. We have been joined together with Jesus Christ. Did you catch that? We have been joined together with Him!
So why then do we choose to live our lives at times as though we are still searching? Why do we allow fears to arise and anxieties to increase? Why do we allow our hearts to believe the lie that we must journey through this day, through this life, alone?
It is so important that we never lose sight of the marriage mentality in view of our relationship with Jesus Christ. We must rest in the peace of having need of nothing more.