2:44 A.M.

But go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. And as you go, preach, saying, ‘The kingdom of heaven is at hand.’ Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give. Provide neither gold nor silver nor copper in your money belts, 10 nor bag for your journey, nor two tunics, nor sandals, nor staffs…”
Matthew 10:6-10

Lord, You have called me to something GREAT. So often I forget this. You have given me the privilege of sharing You with the world… You have put Your words in my mouth and Your Holy Spirit within me that I might do great things in Your name.

Lately I have had such a desire to be used by You. But You keep reminding me of a great truth that I often forget: Before You desire to use me, You desire to shepherd me. You want ME. First and foremost, You want my heart. It is so easy for me to get caught up in doing and working but did You not say Yourself, “This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom I sent”? (John 6:29)

This is You want from me, Lord: a heart that believes that You ARE.

“Before Abraham was, I AM.”
John 8:58

“But without faith it is impossible to please Him. For he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.”
Hebrews 11:6

The part of the Matthew 10 passage that really caught me was verses 9 and 10. You told the disciples to basically take nothing with them… to travel light. Lord, how easy it is for me to lose my focus and carry along a whole bunch of unnecessary extras that weigh me down. Help me to be focused on You and the  things that please You. Help me Lord to lay down the weight and the sin that so easily ensnares me! My pride… My desire to lift myself up and be seen… my vanity… the feeding of my flesh…

Lord may You become greater and may I become less!

Lord help me to return to You with all my heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning! (Joel 2:12)

Where is my heart? Where is my treasure? Is it with You, Lord?

No. It has not been.

I have had many idols competing for Your throne in my heart. But I cast down those things now and pour out my heart before You. Your love is better than life, therefore my lips will praise You! (Psalm 63:3)

I want You.

I need You.

“And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.”
Matthew 10:38-39

“…the fear of the Lord is his treasure.”
Isaiah 33:6

12:56 A.M.

Late night tonight…

Today I have really been challenged about what it means to truly repent. I believe it is one thing to feel repentance and a whole other thing to walk in repentance. The first only requires emotion, the latter requires belief. True repentance is deciding that I can no longer live my life as I have been and believing that God is able to change me… Regardless of how long I have been in this place…

“This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He sent.” John 6:29

“But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.” Hebrews 11:6

“Above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.” Ephesians 6:16

Believe.